Prime Minister Gordon Brown finally emerged from his Downing Street bunker after a night of dreadful election results to go on television to make this short announcement:
“Dear fellow Britons,
“As Prime Minister, I have made too many mistakes. I am very sorry for the very problems that the country is suffering from at the moment. We have not made the effort to serve you, the people of our once-proud nation properly. Before I start my groveling apology, I would like to congratulate David Cameron and the Conservative party for winning the local elections. I also congratulate Boris Johnson on becoming Mayor for London, because I never liked Ken Livingstone anyway.
“I would like to apologise wholeheartedly for Labour’s mismanagement of the nation for the last eleven years. We have made too many mistakes in our period in office, some of the most obvious ones are:
- The increase in overall taxation
- The widening gap between the wealthy and the deprived
- Increased social and racial tension, allowing the far right to thrive
- Unchecked high levels of immigration
- Crime levels going through the roof
- The spread of the Whitehall state interfering in peoples’ lives
- Starting and supporting illegal wars abroad, causing terrorist attacks at home
- An economy which was built on sand, not on firm foundations
- Homelessness at an all-time high, and that fewer homes are built now than in 1997
- The loss of the discs containing the personal data of benefit claimants
- A welfare system that has become too bureaucratic to administer
- Poor transport policy that favours road and air over rail
- Privatisation of the National Health Service
- Mortgaging the future with the use of Private Finance Initiative to guarantee the present.
“There have been too many mistakes that we have made in government, and I deeply make a personal, humbling and humiliating apology to you, the British people. In the interests of public and political opinion, I intend to resign both as leader of the Labour party, and as Prime Minister, with immediate effect, and will dissolve Parliament to call a general election.
“Thank you, and goodbye, Mr Gordon Brown”
Except that the Labour party won’t get rid of him, and that we’re stuck with him for the next two years…
Comments 4
“Crime levels going through the roof” - err, no, crime has fallen.
“Mortgaging the future with the use of Private Finance Initiative to guarantee the present” - if you think this is a bad thing, presumably you’re renting a house until you can afford to buy one outright?
“The loss of the discs containin the personal data of benefit claimants” - what, a junior bureaucrat’s cock-up that’s not going to make a blind bit of difference to anyone is one of the worst 11 things the government has done in 10 years?
“Homelessness at an all-time high” - yeah, right.
“Privatisation of the National Health Service” - last I checked, the NHS was still the most state-controlled healthcare system in the developed world, although perhaps I misssed the announcement that it was up for sale…
Posted 05 May 2008 at 11:57 am ¶“The loss of the discs containing the personal data of benefit claimants”- what, a junior bureaucrat’s cock up that’s not going to make a blind bit of difference to anyone is one of the worst 11 things this government has done in 10 years?”
Things like this ACTUALLY do make a difference. This (mal) administration has made too many mistakes, and if I were a rebellious Labour MP, I would put forward a motion of no confidence in Gordon Brown’s leadership right now….
Posted 05 May 2008 at 6:30 pm ¶“Things like this ACTUALLY do make a difference.”
1) as Jeremy Clarkson proved, the only thing a crook would be able to do with this data is to set up direct debits to charities - it is impossible for a conman to use the info as lost by HMRC to enrich himself fraudulently
2) how on earth can you hold GB responsible for a decision that was made at either mid or junior level in HMRC - ie several levels below him in the chain of command? That’s like saying Willie Walsh should be sacked because a BA steward spilled soup on you… [not that he should be sacked for overseeing the T5 disaster, which would be a more reasonable point]
Posted 06 May 2008 at 9:09 am ¶It is common knowledge that Brown was responsible for the merging of both HM Customs & Excise and the Inland Revenue, and ordered the sacking of thousands of staff (If you have any info on this, let me know). The effect has seen morale in the newly-created HMRC fall through the floor, leading to mistakes like this. I fear there will be more scandals coming out of that department.
Posted 06 May 2008 at 5:08 pm ¶Post a Comment